Confessions of a Pop Culture Pariah

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So… “Star Wars” just came out (#topical). Like…I guess people care about that.

I HOWEVER find myself in the delectably hip position of being able to say I do not give even half a flying fuck about the new “Star Wars.” Because I have never seen it. Any of them.

Unless you count the ~month my 9th grade Physics teacher played Episode IV for us after giving up on life (which I don’t, because I slept through it), I have never seen any of the Star Wars franchise. As much as I weirdly cherish the shock value of being a statistical minority in whatever context, I do find myself sort of bothered in this case. Star Wars is a massive cultural phenomenon spanning ~40 years and permeating international borders in a way only entertainment media can do, and here I stand on the outside, wondering who the fuck Han Solo is. (That’s Harrison Ford, right? I literally have no idea.)

Granted science fiction is not my thing, and as it wasn’t part of my childhood Star Wars may never make it into my top 10 favorite classic films or whatever, but I still feel like I should give it a shot. I’m compelled to watch at least the original three, at least once, just so I can consider myself a legitimate member of the human race.

Call it peer pressure – I call it practical, for on more than one occasion my pop cultural ignorance has caused *genuine* turbulence in my friendships. It’s not only Star Wars that I’ve more or less unconsciously avoided, but a staggering list of cult-or-otherwise classics I have somehow gone 23 years without seeing.

Below, an abbreviated list of Popular Films I Have Never Seen, AKA Reasons My Friends Threaten to Disown Me:

The Matrix
Blade Runner
Jurassic Park
The Godfather
Fight Club (book was p good though)
Titanic
Goodfellas
Forrest Gump
Saving Private Ryan
American History X
Indiana Jones (any of them)
Terminator (any of them)
Predator
Apocalypse Now
Citizen Kane
Oldboy
Braveheart
Full Metal Jacket
2001: A Space Odyssey
Willow
Life of Brian (or any other Monty Python film, except Holy Grail)
Seven Samurai (how did I complete my Japanese major?)
My Neighbor Totoro (I don’t know how I missed this one either)
V for Vendetta (what I did see of it was garbage tho)
Annie Hall
Sin City
Groundhog Day
The Truman Show
Love Actually
Jaws
any Rocky movie
any James Bond movie (except Casino Royale for some reason)
Guardians of the Galaxy
Hackers
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
Clerks (any of them)
Dazed and Confused
Wayne’s World
Lethal Weapon
Mission Impossible
Die Hard (any of them)
The Hobbit
Gremlins (angry at myself for this one)
Armageddon
any Austin Powers movie
The Goonies
Caddyshack
Robocop (I’M SORRY)
any Fast and Furious movie
Ghostbusters (SORRY)
Scarface

And too, too many more.

…I mean, I’ll get to watching some of them eventually.

It looks like I’ve consciously avoided all mainstream box office phenomena since I was literally born, but I promise it was not my intention to skip out on all of pop culture. Arguably my interests just don’t align with the stuff of mainstream movies (there’s my inner hipster! knew she’d show up sometime in this post). Shou ga nai, ne.

…I don’t know how I have friends, either.

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P.S.: Re: this being a “fashion” blog or whatever: …uh. Yeah, whatever.

I’m gonna use this blog toward whatever end I desire on a given day, ‘cause to be honest fashion is an extremely marginal interest of mine. So let’s pardon Past Charlotte for tryharding and move on.

Not that I won’t ever post about fashion. I probably will. But why box myself in unnecessarily?

From now on this blog will constitute whatever I want it to. Anything about which I give fucks shall be posted here. This is the Blog of Charlotte’s Fucks.

…There’s no reason to make that title stick.

Bye. XX

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